July 5, 2010

Day 361-It's hot out but I'm oh so cool

I have to admit, I've really been enjoying the blog. Writing is therapeutic in itself, despite whether you have a yearlong mission or not, and it's nice to have an imaginary force to hold me accountable.

But today, I'm not really feeling up to it so forgive me if this one lacks structure/coherence/any sort of theme.

It's just SO hot (insert whiney voice here)! That's enough of a reason to be grumpy, but in addition, it's 97 degrees here and not only am I sans relationships this year, but I'm one of the glamourous New Yorkers who's forced to live sans central AC as well. The red curtains of my apartment are depressingly drawn tight, and I've yet to leave the small parameter of my fan for anything other than provisions from the kitchen. It's been a day spent speed reading the novel I started (before having to give up chick lit tomorrow) and little else. The one thing to be thankful for in this heatbed is that at least I don't have a hangover this morning, which is especially good because I had a lot to digest (not food) from last night's festivities.

It was a happy 4th of July indeed. Some friends and I made the J-train trek out to Brooklyn mid-afternoon to sweat together on a friend's rooftop and cookout pre-fireworks. I immediately noticed that the other borough magically held some breeze that had missed Manhattan (point for Brooklyn!), and the large square footage of our friends' apartment, the quality roofdeck, and the wonderful hospitality set the perfect mood for a holiday well-spent sipping (who are we kidding, downing) white wine and taking in the view of our fair city. Meanwhile, I was internally prepping myself for the sentiment that always overwhelms me while watching fireworks. I LOVE fireworks and have ever since I was a little girl; I can't remember a time when I've actually had a guy I liked watching them with me, but I remember many a times-EVEN when I was still a little girl (I matured early) watching said fireworks and wishing so hard for that guy to appear. And while he didn't appear last night either, I strangely felt nothing when the sky started to light up on the horizon. No wishing, no hoping-maybe this "in the moment" stuff is starting to work after all.

Except that one realization opened the door to another; I realized that despite the hot temperatures, I can be quite frigid. Namely, when meeting prospective males. I can't explain it; they usually seem nice/innocent enough. But I always feel like a caged animal as soon as one turns to me asking, "And do you live in the city?" I freeze. I shutdown. And I wonder why I don't date more!

Now obviously this isn't always the case. There are those guys I've dated that I sized up and liked the looks of/had chemistry with, or were friends of friends though frankly, those aren't in the same category. I was nice to those and approached most of them myself-I'm indeed a great flirter when I want to be. But after another one of these encounters where I failed to put on a happy face and have friendly conversation with the two guys that approached us, I was frankly a little worried about the year ahead. Now, I know I'm not supposed to be getting into relationships, but again, dating is allowed and better yet, this is all about good ol' fashioned practice at being myself in the moment. This bitchy behavior is not becoming of anyone I want to be at any moment! I love musicians (they were) so why did I let myself fade into the background as ice queen?

It's still a mystery to me, but I didn't worry my pretty little head for long because the group, in all of their collective dating wisdom, had plenty of suggestions for getting me out of my very safe and comfortably small dating box (I only regret not being able to take notes or video-some good stuff was spilled). Here is the rundown:

-There's the "if you put your mind to it, it'll happen" philosophy to going out. As in, be determined to make out with a guy at the bar tonight, and you will find a guy who'll fit the bill good enough. I say good enough because again, I'm picky when it comes to guys, but I was informed I need not be. Just find one for the task. It's all practice! Once upon a time, one of these friends (who I guess probably would prefer to remain nameless) was forced to do this challenge weekly or face death by oatmeal cookie sandwiches which she despised. You've got to have motivation!

-There's the "have no expectations and you won't be disappointed" philosophy to dating. As in, if you don't get the right vibe right away, don't push him away. Have a nice conversation and go out on a date if asked (there is a clause for bad vibe guys, of course-don't subject yourself to those). Don't expect anything other than getting to know someone, and then decide if you want to pursue from there. This was a hard idea for me to grasp as I don't go out with anyone I'm not already interested in for fear of hurting the other party. (As if I already knew who those guys were either!) At the least, you'll get thicker skin and some entertaining date stories.

-Then there's the "date around until you settle down" philosophy to commitment. As in the old adage, don't put your eggs in one basket (at least until, according to E, they want to claim you on their Facebook relationship status)

So while these dating prescriptions made be old news to some of you, you have to account for the audience: me. I knew that I was a serial monogomist, but it wasn't until I sat there in the crowded living room, wide-eyed and a little tipsy listening to all of these friends comparing stories over their dating successes and failures that I realized that I was also quite the dating virgin. And how much braver my friends were for being open to the process despite walls being torn down, hearts being crushed or having their own relationship freakouts-they didn't shut down for months in between but looked for the fun in each moment, in each situation. Ok-getting sappy again...Anyway, much more was learned, including the value of a girl offering to pay on a date (the guy shouldn't let you do so at the beginning but an offer more readily secures a callback while a non-offer is the ultimate turnoff), but I've already got my work cut out for me this week in putting some theories to the test. I'm determined to kick this cool girl to the curb.

I'm off the market & in the moment!

No comments:

Post a Comment