July 21, 2010

Day 345-A Male Perspective

After a close guy friend read yesterday's post about my memorable lunch with Mr. Nice Guy, he emailed his two cents regarding my failed attempt to ask my new friend out. With his permission, I've recreated our conversation here. It's worth repeating. The only changes I've deleted a few things to keep people anonymous and of course, I had to correct a few grammatical editors-I am an English major.

Presenting a twenty-something single male perspective.....

HIM: You should just get it over with and ask the next guy out you meet that seems cool. You sure do talk about it enough, now it's time to put your money where your mouth is.

ME: Can't really ask the guy out from yesterday-kinda crosses the business line. Plus, I'm not in a rush to be pursuing anyone. I prefer to be pursued BY someone!

HIM: HORRIBLE way to look at it. That comment right there is what's wrong with girls. They're never the ones to take a chance (or rarely) and ask a guy out. It always has to be on the guys shoulders to do all that mess. You can be old-fashioned all you want but that is something that has always gotten on my nerves.

ME: I've asked out guys before. I asked (insert guy’s name here) out myself! Or gave him my card w/o being asked and then he emailed me later to follow up. Just in this case, I'm not in a rush to ask out anyone, at least this early in the game. Maybe towards the end, but while I still want to date, I don't want to tempt karma too much...

HIM: You have never asked a guy out and you know it. Giving a card to a guy without him asking, is as far from asking a guy out as it gets. That my friend, is exactly my point. Girls have this idea that they ask guys out when they don't. Guys have to do all the legwork, call backs, ask for dates ect..... I'm not talking bad about you but girls think if they do something small it's a big deal when it pales in comparison to what guys have to go through. You have it easy. Card shmard, I can't believe you even brought that up.......

But I agree with you about why go on dates when you cant really go further. Why tempt karma.......

ME:I am using your second paragraph for my blog!!!!!!! I won't use your name but can I reprint what you said?

I get your point-you're right, we don't REALLY do it. But do you like when a girl asks you out? Or does that take the fun out of the game?

HIM: Absolutely, women need to know the truth.

Girls make it easier for guys to ask them out depending on the interaction and their approach. I personally LOVE it when a girl initiates something with me. Nothing says sexy and super confident than when a girl has the guts to ask a guy out. Doesn't have to be dinner or anything major, a simple drink and meet up with friends. A girl with confidence is awesome.

ME: Thanks-I'm going to use it today! I can see your point but I also think it works to our disadvantage sometimes. Like when we show we care by making an effort to plan a date or call, guys think the game is gone and/or freak out. It's always been the guys that I treated like crap or didn't care about as much that kept coming back. The others I cared about, saw that I cared and left. I dunno-maybe, I'm wrong. Thoughts?

I'm milking this convo!

HIM: Yeah I can see your point about losing the "thrill of the chase" but for me, I'm 26 now, I’m not 18 years old. When the woman shows the guts to approach me and talk, there are few things more attractive. Don't ever be scared to take a chance to reach out to a guy. You'll never know unless you try.

On that note…

I’m off the market & in the moment!


  1. Let me start this by saying, I love your blog and appreciate your honesty and humor on a daily basis. However, this is the first entry where I actually felt compelled to post a comment.

    Who is this guy? There is a reason he's 26 and single. You're from the South and love guys in boat shoes (I am too, and who doesn't), but you're telling me that you are up for a role reversal? If a guy doesn't like you enough to ask you on a date, then he doesn't like you. And, on the 1% chance that there is some guy out there that thinks is "sexy" to be asked out by a girl, do you really want to date this guy? Judging from your blog and complete honesty in admitting you are a hopeless romantic, I'm pretty sure that you aren't the kind of girl who wants to wear the pants.

    I'm not sure who your guy friend is, but he was talking just to hear himself talk. Don't take his advice.

    And for the record, everyone likes the chase. When is the last time you wanted to settle down with a guy who brought you a dozen roses and said he loved you on the first date?

  2. Thanks for the comment, Blakely! And for reading :-) You make a great argument, and you've given me something to think about...instead of jumping in for a quick response though, I'm going to sit on this one throughout the day. More on tomorrow's post!

  3. You sure did come to a lot of conclusions about some one you've never met. Not always the best idea. For one, the reason I'm 26 and still single is simple, I choose to be. I don't have time and the desire to be in a relationship with anyone. Yes, there are people out there that don't feel like they have to be in a relationship and it doesn't have an impact on their social image.

    Second, you completely missed the point of our conversation. Never did I say that I never pursue women, I said it's nice every once in a while to have a girl approach me and initiate things.

    Third, you are out of you're mind if you think it's only "1% chance that there is some guy out there that thinks is "sexy" to be asked out by a girl." It’s a 1% chance that there’s a guy out there that doesn’t think that’s sexy. After reading your response, two people have told me that it's great when a girl does have the confidence to go initiate things with a guy. Get your facts straight.

    Like I said, you jumped to some serious conclusions about some one you've never met and I happen to be a close friend of Liza's for many years. Your response is exactly my point on what is wrong with womens thoughts. While you may have a boyfriend, be engaged, married ect.... your "I'm a princess" mentality is exactly the personality and thought process that most guys can't stand.

    Being a “southern gentleman” doesn’t mean we have to act like we are back in the days of knights and chivalry. I can still keep all the qualities that makes us who we are, but women just sitting back and expecting men to fall in their laps is out dated and old fashioned. It’s time to catch up with the times. Liza asked me for a males perspective so as a friend I gave her one. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it appears you’re a female so that doesn’t exactly make you an expert on what we find sexy and attractive.

    I apologize if I offended you in any way, I just took exception to your comments.