July 24, 2012

Be Your Own Inspiration

So yes, I've been missing in action this summer. Life just got a little wild since my last post. Juggling dating, a new career, multiple weddings, work and travel was just about all I could manage and frankly, I was feeling disconnected from writing. I just felt as if I was starting to move beyond my original intentions for OTMITM, let alone have the energy to post.

That is, until today. I was cleaning out my inbox as part of my high-pressure temp job and came across a comment (weirdly from a year ago yesterday) I had saved from my Enough post last fall which led me to read my own post. And then I read another and read another. It's a weird-enough feeling reading your own writing, especially when a year has gone by. Weirder yet when you discover that many of the same things you were struggling with and learning about yourself are still very much at play. My initial thoughts go to my poor friends who daily help me savor the good and work through the tough-and help me work through it again for as many times as it takes. You are loved and appreciated.

Then, I wonder if I have learned anything at all? It seems I have come full circle in a year, back at a crossroads after a relationship, albeit a relatively new one, has ended. Not to mention, still running into old flames on street corners! (The same week as last year when I was Blindsighted!) The universe truly boggles me with its sense of humor and the reminder that New York City is scarily small. And yet after this recent emotional upheaval/breakup, I feel myself rebounding a little quicker, back to my old tricks of keeping busy with friends and exercise sure, but also more quickly at peace despite the sense of loss of what was and what still could have been. I'm making this one less about me and more about what was right. Being grateful for what I was given, forgiving myself and him and moving forward as best I can. New friends and old have carried me through, scraping me off the floor and getting my chin up back up where it belongs. And now, rather than question that yes, there are a few lessons that take lifetimes to learn, I'm being my own inspiration. Reading about where I've been and seeing from my own words is incredibly reassuring, a sign that what feels good or hurts now is only temporary. And some of these posts are just funny! (Talk is Cheap, So Are Texts; There Should Be More Rules; and Must Have's/Can't Stand list-I really should listen to my own advice!) Regardless, it's a nice feeling to look back at yourself and chuckle. As my grandmother says, you might as well laugh as cry! Just further proof, I'm being guided and taken care of. It will all be ok. Plus, I've discovered I'm not so bad at writing.

Still, I feel the need to reveal that I probably won't spend much more time sharing here. Though grateful for its platform, I really do feel that Off the Market & In the Moment has run its course and now it's time to discover new ways to be creative and grow. It's been two years since I first attempted to go off the relationship scene and then go back on, and in August, I'll celebrate my 5th anniversary of being a New Yorker. After crying every day for the first sixth months, I never thought I'd stay beyond a year, let alone survive and thrive.  Pretty inspiring to think about where I've been, who've I met, how life has changed. Sure, some things seem to have come full circle from last year, but I think the shape of most things has grown stronger just the same. Pretty inspiring stuff indeed.

With gratitude!

April 26, 2012

Gettin' My GrOoVe On

As I was walking home through Chinatown the other day, I was waiting for the light to turn at Mott and Grand when a guy approached me and "meowed" at me right in the face. MEOW as in kitty-style. Well, at first I had the typical New Yorker reaction of pissed off/shocked/don't make me hit you attitude...but then I quickly laughed and decided that attracting the attention of man/cat hybrids is just another sign from the universe that this gal has got her groove back. 


You see, if you've been following this blog at all, or even scan some of the OTMITM headlines from this past winter, you can tell that I've been working and re-working, polishing and perfecting my A-game in several avenues of my life. But despite my best efforts, I was seeing nada in terms of positive results or feedback. That was pretty much the gist of January-March when I was trying to get my feet back on the ground amid leaving my full-time job as a publicist and venturing into the unknown world of unemployed actor. I know that faith without works is dead as is the reverse of that equation, but it's often hard to push forward when nothing is happening or worse, you feel like you're constantly struggling. There were a lot of low's going on despite my efforts of just thinking positively. Even more difficult?  Trying to "let go" which to me, is the most counterproductive feeling imaginable...


Which brings me to my alumnae group's annual St. Jude's fundraiser. Most importantly, the committee hosted an amazing evening at the Bowery Hotel for this wonderful cause and raised more than $28,000! Yet, this event also played a key role in  my reaching "meow" status. I'm not proud, but as I was setting up that night, I was trying to figure out a way to get out of my role of selling raffle tickets....now I love St. Jude's and my organization but selling anything is pretty much torture to me. Anytime I have to sell tickets, I usually buy them myself and hope I win with my super odds. But as people started walking in, I left thoughts of hanging out with my group of friends at the door, grabbed a Poma cocktail (amazing gin concoction!) and resigned myself to what would surely be the painful hour of my shift. 


SURPRISE! Selling raffle tickets is a great opening line and an easy excuse to introduce yourself (with batted lashes, of course) to the six guys hanging out near the bar. Not only was selling tickets successful, but I met a ton of new people that night and FLIRTED MY ASS OFF, all the while being able to mysteriously excuse myself to the next group of new faces. Granted, I was loving me some Poma cocktails all the while, but after being in serious work/winter hibernation mode, this high was just what I needed. 


Now I'm not going to reveal the who/what/where's of the evening, but I'm 99% sure I was the first to hit the dance floor after my third-ish cocktail; got down with multiple partners I had met during my raffle foray which officially makes me a dancing slut; asked one guy out; have been on dates with three of the party-goers since. No lie-if one texts, another texts within an hour. 


And that's how I got my groove back. 


Since that night, I have been juggling auditions, seeing friends, workouts AND legit dates. As in: he asks, I go to dinner/farmer's market/Brooklyn Bridge, he pays and I go home solo evenings. It has been so refreshing to just be carefree and have fun enjoying someone's company without being overly invested in the outcome from day 1. If they never make contact again, I don't even care! Not because they aren't great people, but I just can't be worried with it. Now, other things in my life are starting to follow. My auditioning is getting stronger, and I'm not a complete head case before I dance as I try to remember the combo. I'm letting my thoughts go enough to trust my body to do the work. Every call is just another opportunity to dance again. It's liberating.


Now I'm sharing this not to brag or imply I'm suddenly special and different than I was a month before. I can count on one hand how many legit dates I've been on before this month where I wasn't already in a relationship of sorts. My lovely friends are very much coaching and rallying me on the sidelines as old habits of judging, controlling or smitten feelings try to cloud what should be casual at this point. I still worry about paying off my credit card and making enough money to keep my rent fund in tact (though I'm learning the universe provides for that, too, if you let it!). And while auditioning is getting more comfortable, I still haven't landed a job. YET.


My point is that these events were put into motion because I made it my mission when I picked up those raffle tickets to have fun, damnit-despite insecurities. Sporting a ponytail because my hair was being uncooperative, feeling a little too round in my choice of dress, wanting to attract a new guy or frankly, just being a little hungry were all very present en route to the event. But rather than tell myself to let go, I made the choice to just have fun and I just naturally let it ALL go. That's where I found my groove, and surprisingly, that carefree girl who loves to dance to Whitney Houston by herself and doesn't care who is or isn't watching. My real self.


It's a lesson learned for sure, and as the night passes, it can be easy to fall back into that superficial self once more. The girl who wants all the answers now and whose insecurities and ego try to take the fun out of daily life. Which is why it's important to look out for those moments of grooviness wherever you find them-in a night out with friends, a blind date, pancakes or a great cup of tea. Even a "meow" to the face on Mott Street.


I'm On the Market & In the Moment

March 22, 2012

Change your jewelry as often as you change your shoes! Sponsored by JennaLogan.com




I don't know about you, but I've got spring fever! It's finally warming up (to the 70's!) in the city and with all the neon and floral brights around, I'm feeling inspired to ditch the majority of my closet and totally revamp my look for the season. I'm still digging through my clothes and sorting for the donation pile, but before embarking on a shopping binge, I've challenged myself to wear the things I have that are salvageable and can be re-invented with a little creativity. Which brings me to JEWELRY. Confession-I have a jewelry box full of fun stuff and despite having made multiple New Year's resolutions to actually wear these baubles (I adore the word baubles btw...), I stick to my every day studs and that's about it. Boring?!?! Yet, I'm finally learning how much a statement necklace or vintage cuff can punch up an outfit. As part of my new venture, I've hung my necklaces where I can see them and am proud to report that I've been wearing them proudly this past week and have even gotten compliments on the one I bought on a whim a year ago from Urban! With that part of my reorganization behind me, I'm super excited to learn about a new partner-in-crime to supplement my new look: JennaLogan.com, an online jewelry subscription service which allows its users to borrow luxury and fine diamonds on a monthly basis. Thank goodness for this fabulous site because with all the shopping I'll have to do after getting rid of my older clothes, there will be little funds left to invest in accessories.

Which works perfectly for me since personally, my biggest problem with shopping is commitment-unless I'm in LOVE with a piece, I tend to talk myself out of buying. Great for the wallet but hence the lack of a stylish wardrobe. However with JennaLogan.com, I can now constantly change jewelry-as often as I change shoes!-and still wear the fineest for less than a dollar a day. I always joke that I'm a star-in-training (half-joking at least!) and what better way to practice looking like an A-lister on the red carpet without totally busting my struggling actor budget! Plus, no buyer's remorse as I can play with the current trends without being eternally stuck with a piece I'm only feeling for an April afternoon. Even better...

FREE SHIPPING & RETURNS!

Now I don't have to even think about the hidden costs of mailing things back & forth, a reason I still don't shop online...plus no initiation or cancellation fees. Excited yet?

So without further ado, here's how On the Market readers can get in on the action. JennaLogan.com invites you to win an exclusive jewelry giveaway. The prize is Blue and White Diamon Earring Paisleys set in Sterling Silver valued at $499.99. Click here to sign up!



February 28, 2012

Can't Let Go Either? Get your Vlog on with @GabbyBernstein

So if you read my letting go/do nothing dilemma from yesterday and need some help in that same department, below are two of helpful Vlogs I stumbled upon from my favorite guru Gabby Bernstein. I've raved about her book Spirit Junkie before, but Gabby also sends out these beautiful messages which I look forward to getting in my inbox every Monday. You can sign up on her website for these and other goodies or check her out on Twitter @GabbyBernstein.

In a nutshell, she rocks!




February 27, 2012

Letting Go

"It's well known in wisdom communities that delays are not denials. Remember this at all times. Keep focused on what you can do in the moment, and if there is nothing to be done - you are being taught patience. Apply yourself everyday towards your deepest desire - work hard, then let go.

This is how mastery is attained."

- Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath c/o The Daily Love

Letting go. Sounds so easy! You don't have to do anything, and even more specifically do nothing. Yet, for some reason this is one of the hardest things for me to do. No, accomplish. Grrrr-wrap my brain around. See? I can't even write about it without using an action verb.


This is probably going to be a boring, rambling post. You've been warned.

Despite my difficulties in simply putting the idea to paper, letting go has been the dominant theme in my life this winter. Letting go of control. Letting go of the outcome. Letting go of fear. Letting go of my wants and giving myself up to the universe's plan. Even last night's sermon was about ditching the expectations, pressure, and work we put on ourselves in order to create a perfect picture for the outside world. Ok, I'm listening! Meanwhile, my dance teachers tell me to just dance the emotion and forget the perfect steps. My friends and family tell me not to worry. My vocal coaches yell at me to forget about the sound and "let it fly." Vocal teachers don't exactly yell-totally counterproductive-but you get the jist. Meanwhile, I constantly remind myself to just go with the flow and let everything unfold.

But all I want to do is to scream I'm TRYING! And there, my friends, lies the frustrating source. I'm like the Little Engine That Could operating on double espresso. I want so badly to make things in my life happen-to be able to share love with someone, to land my dream job, to make enough money to splurge on a double bed and get rid of my teeny-albeit incredibly comfy-twin. Yes, I'm 27 and still have a twin bed!!!!

Deep down, I fully realize that nothing going on in my life is tragic, and further disclaimer, I'm aware that achieving to my desired level, or finding a partner, or redecorating is not going to make me happier. In fact, I'm quite happy with myself and my little life, all the more reason to let go of the insane grip I have on things and just ride for awhile. But have you ever tried to stop trying? It takes a tremendous about of faith and trust and for me, ignoring of every impulse I have gathered in 27 years to create and do and go, go, go. And if events/things/people don't turn out as I'd hoped? Instead of embracing the perception that it all happens for a reason, I get seriously discombobulated and down on myself.

Lots of examples this week. I have spent the past two weekends traveling for auditions which is seriously tiring when the adrenaline rush leaves you. I've been looking forward to down time and yet, the first day back at work, I'm on email all day trying to make happy hours, weekend drinks, something to do, do, do (not to mention, desperately get a guy friend's attention who I KNOW is not emotionally available in hopes he will be magically change and be my partner-in-crime). Well, my efforts were fruitless and as a result, I felt seriously "less than" for not being able to rally a group better. But guess what! Sometimes, people have other plans, are out of town, busy with work, etc. -I myself am often that person! My poor friends-I was seriously bombarding them for entertainment last week, and then if they didn't respond, I was taking that outcome as my not being worth hanging out with. I have no doubt I was projecting such anxiousness across the World Wide Web, too. NOT GOOD. After a week of trying, doing, reaching out, I put myself to bed with New Girl episodes. Fortunately, laughter and chocolate therapy work wonders, and I'm lucky to have friends who tend to be very forgiving when this over-anxious behavior emerges...and ironically, when I friends on Sunday and shared the classes and lessons and errands I still did in my "nothing to do" weekend, they were flummoxed.

I guess on the one hand, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I must be growing up if at least I'm recognizing all of this. On the other hand, I really do want to give it all up. Not meaning quit, but rather, do the work and then let it be. Not worry about getting the results or outcome immediately. Being patient and relishing it. I've been told that expressing that willingness is the first step towards really letting go. So in this rambling, nonsensical post, I'm sharing my willingness.

So take that universe, and do with it what you will.

I'm On the Market & In the Moment

February 15, 2012

Post-V-Day-Post

Did everyone survive?!?! Valentine's is so much pressure, but I hope everyone had a great holiday whether you're on or off the market! Despite Little Italy being decorated to the max, I hardly noticed the holiday much myself. I've definitely been in a bubble here, immersed in dance classes, voice lessons, auditions and temping in between. This past month has been a real adjustment in terms of maintaining my own schedule and work/fun balance. Mostly work and not a lot of socializing unfortunately-it's hard being a star in training! Having the mental and physical energy to tackle each day despite the daily rejection is not an easy task, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to spend this time pursuing my passions even if I feel like the new old lady at dance calls!

But really, some days like yesterday, just stink! Not rememering combos and flaking out in front of fellow dancers is not my idea of fun!

Which feeds into my next point. I'm getting the vibe that I'm working too hard-as my Broadway baby friend bluntlyb informed me (who is on the new show SMASH btw-tune in!). So I'm working on how to bring some fun back into the equation which brings me back to my initial plan for the new year-PLAY AND HAVE FUN! It's difficult to re-train your mind after 20 + years of pre-worrying, stressing over the little things and waiting for the next person to come along to make you feel the love, whether it's in the form of a job or a relationship, but I'm determined to find that fun and love within now.

So yes, I have been feeling more than a little closed-off socially, especially working on my own 90% of the time (totally see why actors date their directors!). And somewhere in the back of my brain I remember proclaiming that I was going to keep Thursday nights and Saturday nights for JUST FRIENDS/social stuff. And the whole reason I chose to pursue acting full-time was because I have fun when I'm on stage. Time to readjust! Which is what I'm learning about life: it's a constant readjustment to find the equilibrium again whether physically, socially, mentally or otherwise. So I'm breathing through the struggle today and going to keep working.

Whoops-I mean playing!

I'm On the Market & In the Moment!

January 18, 2012

Fight Winter Woes with Special Offer! GaiamTV (sponsored post)

After suffering through it a few days solo, I was in touch with a few friends this week only to discover we've all caught the same thing. It's a new year, and we're in a funk. Did you know that the third Monday of January was proclaimed Blue Monday? Blame it on the yearly combination of the post-holiday work crunch, S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and the loss of fire surrounding New Year's resolutions. Well, congrats guys! We made it past January 16th, but I'm afraid we're not over the hump yet. Which is why I'm so excited to introduce you to my new buddy to combat the cold-weather woes: GaiamTV.





This website is the ultimate tool to get moving and motivated again (get those endorphins flowing!) in the comfort of your own home-a relief to those of us who can't fathom the trip to the gym below 20 degrees. As the first streaming video subscription, Gaiam TV offers more than 2,000 titles--it's Netflix for health, wellness, yoga and fitness! Gone are the days of purchasing the latest dvd or buying pricey gym memberships. With Gaiam TV, you can practice on your own schedule, with hundeds of varying classes and techniques under top instructors--Rodney Yee (love his early morning 10 min. yoga sessions!) Seane Corn, Jillian Michaels (Biggest Loser ring any bells?), Mari Winsor and Kathryn Budig, among others.



Gaiam TV is also easy to use and can be tailored to fit your own fitness and wellness needs. Subscribers can customize workouts for weight loss, total body sculpting or increased energy and narrow down their options based on level, style, instructor and amount of available time. With Gaiam TV, viewers can easily search for fitness videos, make playlists and preview selections, all of this with instant access, 24/7, which makes this perfect for crazy gals like me to fit in a 10 minute yoga stretch session in the morning or a 30 minute weights routine pre-party.



Even better, take Gaiam TV on the road with personal computers, iPads and smartphones!



Ok, I can already hear the groans of frustration...what if you're not even motivated to move yet? Well, that is why I really love the premise of GaiamTV. Not only do you have a huge databank of supreme fitness and wellness guides at your finger tips, BUT you can also access lessons and meditation guides from gurus such as Deepak Chopra to help you make that mental leap.



Interested in learning more? Well, I have a special offer for you! Gaiam TV is offering a FREE 10-day trial, no strings attached! Check it out here and test their library today. Gaiam TV’s $9.95 per month subscription fee allows subscribers to stream unlimited content, but the subscription is no strings attached so members can cancel anytime.



With Gaiam TVas my new fitness B.F.F, I can Better Fight the Funk myself.



I'm On the Market & In the Moment!