July 27, 2010

Day 339-Welcome to Our Neighborhood Friendly Porn Store

I'm writing this with a face still in blush from having just survived my first visit to my neighborhood friendly porn store, or as E and I like to say, our 24-hour doorman. Ok, confession. This is the first time I've EVER graced the doorway of such a store, period. I never had the courage to visit the one on 1-95 (that just didn't seem safe) as a former Maid of Honor myself so found some adequate bachelorette supplies in a party store instead. As bachelorette #1's weekend grows closer, I'm a few years older and in my wisdom should now be able to handle the purchasing of adult goodies. Now whether my inaugural visit puts puts me higher up or down in your book, I definitely give myself props for "in the moment" behavior on this one.

It's 6pm rush hour on St. Marks. I jumped in the door as fast as I could (so as not to cause notice), yet I am a local so I made an effort for conversation as if I was chatting up my neighborhood friendly frozen yogurt guy.

"Hi! I live next door!" (Translation: I am totally awkward, have no idea what I'm looking for, but don't you admire my perkiness!)

Silence from the man behind the counter.

"Well... just wanted to say hey... since I live next door and all!" (Translation: Please talk to me so I don't have to stare at the wall of body parts!)


Definitely not like the yogurt guy. The things we do for bachelorettes! Though let's be real. I'm 25 and haven't been in a porn store? Time to rip off the band-aid. Guy behind the counter threw me off. Who'd have thought being there would be such a downer? It's a place meant for happy endings after all.

I immediately focused, turned on my blinders to the extra paraphanalia that I am not in the market for (not that wise) and headed to the smallest section of the store: the girly bachelorette items that are mildly scandalous yet still pricey. $5.95 for two fancy straws. Despite the fact I appreciate their creativity when featuring the opposite sex-seriously, @5.95 for two? Silent man behind the counter is making a killing on a bunch of plastic. I'm seeing an investment opportunity.

Not knowing whether our Maid of Honor had previously purchased dice, necklaces or other such items, I decided an email was in order before laying out my hard earned funds. Somehow, I have a feeling that they have a no-return policy.

So I spent all of two minutes with my heart racing without the goods to show for it. But hey, it's all part of the life when you're in the moment. I'll be making the next trip under the cover of nightfall, but hopefully, both man behind the counter and I will be more at ease. We are neighbors after all!

I'm off the market & in the moment!


  1. very clever, you managed to make sure you'd make a second visit!

  2. obviously not clever enough if you're on to
    the plan! :-)