July 6, 2010

Day 360-Honestly speaking

Confession 1-This is the second attempt at this post. The first was erased when my "cut" failed to "copy." (insert profanity here!!!!) You'll find Confession 2 below, but I doubt it will be as insightful the second time around.

ANYWAY...despite this technological glitch, today was a good day if for no other reason that the work week started on a Tuesday. Getting past the Monday dulldrums is a feat in itself, but I was surprisingly encouraged after getting my Friskyscope for the day. Yes, Friskyscope, found on the site http://www.blogger.com/www.thefrisky.com. I was a first time visitor and was not disappointed:

Scorpio: Your mouth will be going a mile a minute and you won’t be able to stop yourself from unloading all the emotions you’ve had bottled up for too long. While you might think this will end a relationship, it’ll actually mark a new start, as what you say will have more validity to the listener than you suspect and an amazing turn-about will begin.

I couldn't have said it better myself! My horoscope wonderfully verbalized how I was feeling on the first try! (And I've been known to open more than one cookie for a good fortune). The stars were slightly off-it's been my mind going a mile a minute with my fingers barely keeping up on the keys. But while I've felt a catharsis through blogging, even better has been the growing feeling that I've built some sort of wall around myself that's hardened me to those post-breakup feelings I had dwelled on for so long. Yet, the second half of the horoscope brings me to something that has been bothering me-and stop here if you don't want to hear one more breakup rumination though for those who bravely proceed, I promise it to be the last.

Confession 2: Last week, pre-off the market of course, I made a last ditch effort towards contacting the guy who'd left me behind. What resulted was a few pitiful (on my part) though cordial (on his) lines of "how are you's," which suprise! resulted in nothing more. Yet even as I confidently started on my yearlong mission (or as a friend so wittily says, "self-imposed imprisonment"), it seemed to be a facade of sorts, as I wondered/worried behind the scenes of what would happen when he saw the blog (namely, his part in the introduction)-he even kept seeping into posts. So the pit in my stomach grew on Saturday, when I realized that I was stupid to think he hadn't yet heard of it at the least (remember, I did post on FB!). But the anger I felt towards myself hit a breaking point as I was reading this horoscope today, trying to make it into a hopeful mold for my breakup (I've been accused of trying to hard if you can believe it!), then realizing how exhausted I am from still caring let alone, censoring. I'm sure I'm forever marked on the chest with a capital "C" for the seemingly crazy behavior of starting a post-breakup/self-exploration blog to begin with. What else could I possibly lose? He already made his choice. What about mine?

This blog is nothing if not honest so though I started out a week ago as an "off the market" single, I had yet to do my own part of ending a relationship. Until now. Finis. Finito. Finished (saying it in several languages equals extra affirmation). I'm ready for the amazingness promised around the corner-which should begin promptly at midnight while toasting E on her birthday. There's lots of celebrating and dancing to be done at Avenue (please pray I can make it past those velvet ropes!).

The "new start" is obvious, but the horoscope also mentions a "listener." I have no idea who that might be. That's part of the fun of a horoscope! The former me would guess/hope it was some guy-THE guy. The new person I'm slowing becoming has an inkling that the listener is more about this blog or at least someone who may have found it and has felt/is feeling the way I have. As always, a full report to follow tomorrow night's festivities, but in the mean time, my blogger friend (and fellow Clemson grad) at Fired N' Fabulous posted today about finding your purpose and then following the signs (http://firednfabulous.blogspot.com/). I'm thinking this blog may be my own little yellow brick road.

I'm off the market & in the moment!

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