It's almost 11pm, and I couldn't be happier that I'm about to turn off the light. Dancing at fabulous clubs during the week is always a fun and glamourous time, but I get an equal thrill from laying on my oh-so-comfortable bed and reveling in my laziness, a rare indulgence of what I like to call "staring at the wall." So needless to say, staying in tonight is a welcome respite from the frenzy of birthday festivities this week for E. I was the only one in our office today so took casual Friday to a whole different level by wearing gym clothes (such a rebel, I know) and enjoyed my half day off reading from Kelly Cutrone's book, IF YOU HAVE TO CRY, GO OUTSIDE.
Now from an industry perspective, she's the ultimate power player in fashion PR so there was lots of insider info on the publicity business to be gleaned from each page. Though her personality is a little hard-core for my taste (I prefer the Southern Belle kill 'em with kindness approach), she offers a unique view from a successful entrepreneur's perspetive. And let me clarify, this is not chick lit. More like bitch lit. A recipe for how to internally focus, prioritze your wants (not society's), and be a woman in charge of your own destiny.
I've been reading this book in small doses over a few months; I recommend it but my inner first child/pleasing self, could only take so much in one sitting. (Did I mention I have a bitch calendar? Every morning, I rip off a page, read my inner bitch mantra for the day, and head out the door a little more equipped to tackle the city streets.) But it got me thinking, as all good books do, about how to re-prioritize my own life. And though I don't think Kelly Cutrone would be Type A enough to do this, I've always thought it helpful to write out your wants/goals. Put it on paper, send it out into the universe and keep moving forward.
Now just because I think it's helpful, that doesn't mean I'm disciplined enough to grab a piece of paper and jot down my goals (ironic since it only takes a minute). Maybe it's because I'm always running from place to place and never still enough to think about what I truly want, a life choice that has had detrimental effects on some of my relationships for sure. However, I have such a list I was required to create from freshman year of high school; a list of life goals, career path(s), and accomplishments I hoped to achieve. I numerated the obvious (marriage, kids, etc) and the not-so (Broadway, write a children's book, live abroad), and for some reason, I take this list every time I move somewhere, prompty forget about it, and then re-discover it when spring cleaning or scouting drawers for my checkbook.
Every time I feel lost, I'm pleasantly reminded that I am doing some of the stuff I set out to like live in New York City, have my own apartment, and act/sing. And for the rest of the items, I find that my heart still yearns for some of the same things it did when I first wrote it in study hall almost ten years ago. Yet, it's only when I take a break from relationships that I really get to indulge in myself (instead of another person) and all these things I want out of life. So though the blog is based on being "in the moment," I don't think it's totally out of whack to have a little bucket list of things I'd like to do throughout my year of doing WHATEVER I want. How's that for bitchiness?
A few items so far:
-Learn to ballroom dance
-Audition or better yet, be cast in a show
-Add to the scarily small list of things I know how to cook well
-Start writing a novel-or maybe that children's book!
Ok, that's all I have so far. It's harder to think about what you want than it looks, especially on little sleep! But I'm going to create a page for this list so I'll have the space for it to grow. And in the mean time, I'm sending it out into the universe for it all to unfold...while I work hard at catching up on the sleep I missed this week.
I'm off the market & in the moment!
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