January 22, 2011

Day 160-The Girls Are Concerned-About the Contents of My Drawers

For years, my girlfriends have expressed their concern over my underwear drawer. I've never been the one to care if there was a slight panty line that appeared in my tight jeans so was taunted throughout college (though I do deign to make the effort for more obvious dresses). These days, my roommate E is constantly saddened by the fact that I love to sleep in pjs and t-shirts rather than something more feminine and romantic. So sorry to disappoint, but yes, I'm a female who loves her comfort and more often than not, finds said source of comfort in GASP-granny panties. Blame it on laziness if you want, but I attribute this choice to numerous uncomfortable encounters with bad Victoria's Secret versions which shrink from first wash then proceed to make my day a living hell of wiggling and re-adjusting. This year, however, I've decided to invest in a little quality for myself because as I'm told, you just feel better with something sexy underneath.

With one friend already plotting a lingerie trip with me in tow, I just received the below from another bestie from home who wanted to make sure I'm on top of this oh so delicate situation-the only message she chose to add was "take some notes!"

I subscribe to Daily Candy (and if you don't, it's a must!) but oh-so-ironically didn't receive the email which my friends think I'd most benefit from the most:

Most unmentionables are referred to as such for a reason: They’re boring. But you can be sure The Loved One, Elvia Lahman and Hannah Metz’s debut lingerie collection will get people talking. Inspired by troves of frilly underthings uncovered during their travels as vintage wholesalers, along with old Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogs and early 1960’s girlie magazines, a small selection launches today.
Each style is named after a saucy B movie: Slip into the high-waisted, netting and lace Sin in the Suburbs; flouncy, gartered The Bed and How to Make It; or sheer Fuego top and bottom lounge set. The diamond style of Agony of Love might seem a bit confusing at first glance but, trust us, the black stretch lace guarantees a double take.
Don’t mention it.
Available online at thelovedone.bigcartel.com, $34-$62.
Ok girls-I get the gist.
I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!

January 18, 2011

Day 164-Almost Halfway

We're nearing the halfway mark, and so I feel it's only appropriate to re-visit E's challenge when I started this whole OTMITM year:

"I dare you to go single for a year, and by the 6th month you'll be loving life and feel in control/more self confident... which is one thing that actually attracts the opposite sex. There are so many opportunities as younger girls in the city who aren't attached... not that you have to hookup with the person, butt having a bf would def hold you back from being offered the opportunity.

What's scary about being 26 and just starting to think about a serious bf?!!! I say you should just do it starting June 30th for our 1 year lease extension.... the scariest things in life are those that teach you the most about yourself ;)"

One more week, and I'll be at that halfway mark. I have to say that I was terrified at the beginning-what if I meet Mr. Right or Prince Charming? Will I miss out if I make myself unavailable to relationships?

I have to say that E was onto something. Yes, it was scary, but this experience has been invaluably rewarding if for no other reason than it gave me the time to think about what I want out of life and in a potential partner. Remember that must-have/can't stand list? I feel more self-confident and am loving life not only because I'm prioritizing myself, but because I'm standing on my own two feet. Sure there are rough days where I miss having a steady companion, but I've had a blast opening myself up to all the men out there without analyzing them as marriage material. And frankly, that has left me a lot more free time to focus on my goals.

But what about the other half of the equation-in the momentness? Well, that has been my real trial. I'm a planner, an analyzer, and I've discovered that not only is this hard to combat in love but it's just as difficult in every day life. I have succeeded in being more flexible, but I still have days where I beat myself up for what I can't control or even worst, what's in the past. And going with the flow? Well, I'm working on it...

Yet, what I've really learned through this whole process is that life IS a process. We have no idea what or who will come our way and change our path so it's important to just GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. Let things unfold and have faith. Again, easier said than done, but for the past two weeks, this message has been told to me dozens of time by multiple people so it's finally ringing true. And I need to reitorate it again after bombing my cold reading the other day and not getting a callback from an earlier audition. PROCESS.

So that's where I am at the moment. Re-examining, re-prioritizing and re-focusing for the second half of my year. I hope for many more posts with OTMITM adventures to share. And-I forgot to mention. I'm casually seeing someone. And I mean, casually. As in, no expectations, in the moment, enjoying each other's company, fun. With kissing :-) I think I'll balance it with a little Match.com action to keep things light but it's interesting being on the "whatever happens, happens" track for a change....it's certainly in the moment and six months into my mission, I'm finding I'm good with that.

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!

January 13, 2011

Day 169-From Singles Salon-What's Your Vision?

I subscribe to this site and loved yeseterday's post. Just the kick in the butt I needed! Hopefully, it will be what some of you are looking for as well:

What's YOUR Vision?
Posted by I'm a Singlelista! at 5:59 PM
Singlelistas, I have to ask! Are you following your resolutions?

Are you going to the gym everyday?Have you scheduled your trip to the Mediterranean?Have you paid off that credit card debt that you’ve had since college? I don’t know about you but I’m still paying on acrylic nails that I bought way back in 2001…Oh, the shame!I digress. The reason that I’m checking on YOUR resolutions is because I really want this year to be all about YOU!

We declared that 2011 would be the Year of the Single Woman, but we never really talked about what that meant. You’ve been heavy on my heart lately because I’ve been thinking about all of the phenomenal things that we, as single women, could be doing with this time of freedom and independence in our lives, yet I wonder how many of us actually use this time to really fulfill that. I thought about this because not too long ago I had a Vision Party with a gaggle of my girlfriends, which if you haven’t been to or hosted one this year, I highly recommend that you do! Anyway, as we were sipping sangrias, eating Asian-inspired tapas, and creating 2011 vision boards, complete with enough glitter to prompt the sequel to Mariah Carey’s cinematic catastrophe, I was really taken aback by the number of women who kept putting wedding-themed icons on their boards.

There were wedding rings, wedding dresses, wedding venues (castles of course!), and wedding favors literally spilling off of their pages, yet not a single one of them had a boyfriend, a strong suitor, or even a blind date on the horizon.

Now, I didn’t say anything then (and I imagine my phone will begin rigorously ringing as soon as this posts!) but I really thought for a moment that I had entered the bridal twilight zone.Like, maybe it’s just me but how do you plan to be married this year, and you haven’t yet found a suitable mate?*blank stare*Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m as much of a hopeless romantic as the next chick. I carry my glass slippers around in my purse and I allot extra vacay time in my Blackberry just in case Prince Charming comes riding along unannounced and whisks me away to his paradise in the sky.

But in looking at the boards as they were being designed and blinged, I couldn’t help but think what a waste of space it was to plan for something over which you have such very little control. Call me old school, but I honestly believe that men decide when they are going to propose, and we decide whether we are going to accept. Now I know there are some lovely ladies out there who proposed to their husbands and rode off happily into the sunset, but for the most part, that’s not really how it works- and it's certainly not the way most of us envisioned it as young girls- because yes, we’ve all been planning these weddings since we were four! I may have actually began planning immediately after my birth, but that’s a totally different story!My point is, that fairly or not, for most women it’s pretty much a waiting game. We have to wait for a man who doesn’t repulse us to come along. We have to wait until he decides that he can’t live without us another day (even though we’ve known that all along!)We have to wait until he’s ready to purchase our 10-karat ring (yes, I said 10!).We wait until he's willing to withstand the ridicule of “the fellas,” and we wait until he buys the proper knee guard equipment that will enable him to comfortably drop down in front of all of humanity, and whimsically declare his undying love.Whew!And as most of us have noticed, ummm…we just might be waiting a while, especially for those of us who are waiting on the right guy to come along.

Which brings me back to my vision boards. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and I’ve decided that the difference between being a "single woman" and a "singlelista" is all in how you wait. Instead of filling our resolutions with goals that we may or may not be able to achieve, based on factors…ahem, men…beyond our control, what if we filled our visions with the other things in life that make us happy?As modern women, we want it ALL-- The man, yes. But also the houses, the cars, the clothes, the careers, the vacations in Venice, the summers on the Vineyard, the pup, the nonprofit, the Grammy, the Tony, the Oscar, the Golden Globe-it ALL!
Recognizing that, we should resolve to fill up our vision boards with things that remind us to be our best selves- to be stunning, kind, fashionable, charitable, brilliant, healthy, whole, spiritual, and happy!I believe that if we redirect the energy we spend wallowing in love unfound, and invest it in ourselves, on an uncompromising journey to become better everyday, we can truly find the happiness which we all seek.Singlelistas, I want 2011 to be all about YOU. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do.

Redesign your wardrobe. Buy your house. Charter a plane. Travel the world. Parachute out of the sky. Open your business. Start a nonprofit. Run for political office. Buy yourself a diamond (OK, maybe not a 10-karat one, but you see where I'm going with this)! LIVE FOR YOU!And by the time you finish loving and investing in your phenomenal self, as luck would have it, I’d venture to bet that the love you’ve been searching for will be much closer than you imagined.Stars attract stars. So go ahead singlelistas, SHINE!
This year is all about YOU! Write YOUR vision. And make it plain.
Love life…every SINGLE moment of it! -xoxo

January 11, 2011

Day 172-The Value of Being Off the Market, In the Moment, SICK

After two months of non-stop craziness, it's official. I have made myself Off the Market, In the Moment, SICK! I can't remember the last time I wasn't able to power through, but thankfully, today's sprinkling of snow is the universe's last ditch effort to get me where I belong: in bed.

Now don't think this OTMITM gal went down without a fight. I tried to work for two days while running a fever before I actually succumbed to staying home and then, I still tried to clean my room before I realized the ridiculousness of my behavior. At which point I begrudgingly forced myself to lay in bed for the duration of two movies and several episodes of Friends while indulging in Ciao Bella strawberry gelatto and popsickles from E.

It may sound like a vacation, but when you're constantly coughing, it certainly takes the fun out of it. Nevertheless, this has been a lesson. First off, I never get sick. In fact, I learned from an early age the value of taking "personal" days from school since I never was out otherwise. And since I didn't put myself to bed on Monday when I knew I was sub par, I certainly have prolongued the situation. But I also can't remember the last week in my life where I had more than one evening off with absolutely nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to meet in the evening. But with this chest cough/sore throat whatever, it's been painful to get out in the cold or exert myself so this week, I did the unimaginable and canceled all plans and stayed put.

My New Year's resolution was for more "me" time, and I can't help but think it's funny the way things just work out....

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!

January 6, 2011

Day 177-A DATE! And some NYC dating realities

I have a date! A DATE! Get excited but not too much because there's not much to tell yet....except to tell you that he's a fun, great guy.

Aren't they all? :-)

But remember, and when I say this I'm really reminding myself, this whole year is about having a good time in the moment and just casually dating (which means I've been struggling against my relationship-focused self and its inclinations all week). Dinner should be a nice little test to see how OTMITM is working. But I'm still allowed to be excited, right?!?!

Who cares-I totally am.

But how funny that I woke up anticipating the fun evening ahead only to find this Daily News article on dating in NYC in my google alert:

'Millionaire Matchmaker' Patti Stanger blames 'selfish' guys for New York's 'terrible' dating scene

You want to know why dating is so messed up in New York?

It's the guys.

That's what Patti Stanger says she has learned since moving her Bravo hit, "The Millionaire Matchmaker," to the city this season.

"Coming to New York is coming home to me," says Stanger, who grew up in New Jersey and Manhattan. "So I'm disappointed to see the terrible state of the dating scene.

"With the season finale airing Tuesday, she says there is a 5-to-1 ratio of single women to single men in the city and knows why."I blame the guys!" says Stanger, a third-generation matchmaker who opened her own service in 2000.

"Men in New York are more selfish these days. They want to hold on to their money, and they’re in no rush to find a mate." But she wants her clients — those who pay to be in the Millionaire’s Club, on which the show is based — and New York women in general to remain hopeful."

All you need to find is one guy," she says with a wink. So what’s a girl to do? Stanger offers these tips on how to find that special someone in New York.

1. DON'T JUDGE "On my show, I heard women turning up their nose about guys who didn't live in the right neighborhood," she says, referring to a woman who wouldn’t date a man who lived in a different borough. "It was disgusting! Stop judging, at least until you go on the first date."

2. BREAK BREAD"One of the best parts of the dating scene in New York is that men understand that dinner is an absolute must!" says Stanger. "Lunch is an audition, drinks are an interview. Women love to be fed, and dinner is a necessity. Make sure that a guy you're seeing understands that."

3. SAY IT, DON'T TYPE IT"Stop responding to guys who only use text messages!" she says. "Are you kidding me? You can't fall in love with a guy unless you hear their voice. If you can lock on to a man's voice, you can connect to it. You certainly don't get that from a text! Besides, you're not looking for a pen pal."

4. GET ACTIVE"First, figure out what types of guys you like, and what they enjoy doing," Stanger says. "Together with your girlfriends, rotate buying tickets to Yankees, Knicks or Rangers games, or better yet, go watch a game at a bar! Find out what's free and fun going on in New York. Go ice-skating in Bryant Park. Remember, you're not going to find a man by sitting around. That will never work!"

5. IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED ..."Don't give up too easily!" says Stanger. "Try a venue or event more than once, and if it doesn't work, then move on to the next thing. But always give it a chance. And remember, stay positive. A woman's smile is her calling card."

Our picks for great first-date spots:Tanoreen, Bay Ridge: 7523 Third Ave., at 76th St.Prime Meats, Carroll Gardens: 465 Court St.Bar Paya, Manhattan: 65 Second Ave., at Fourth St.Corcho Wine Bar, Washington Heights: 231 Dyckman St.

Thinking athletic? Try these locations:Bryant Park skating rink, free.Rangers tickets (via Stubhub.com), $19 and up.Yankees bar: Blackbird’s, Astoria: 41-19 30th Ave. Knicks bar: Jack Dempsey?a>??s, Manhattan: 36 W. 33rd St.

Way to kill my buzz, Patti. Regardless, she's got some good pointers for dealing with the hard facts (seriously, 5:1 ratio?). And I AM frustrated with texting, but I'm not sure I'm seeing her solution...are we supposed to just ignore?!?

Obviously I'm still on a quest for some answers, but regardless, I'm taking it all in stride tonight and focusing on fun for a change. That's what OTMITM is about after all.

It's time to walk the talk.

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!

January 3, 2011

Day 181-Resolutions

Back to NYC. It's a new year and thus, time for new resolutions. My own goal is to give myself more "me time" for the next twelve months. Fewer to do's and appointments on the calendar and more days free to rest, relax and be inspired. Just a week in, and I've used my free time to exercise and start cleaning my bedroom. We shall see if I can keep this up. Though, now that I think of it, perhaps fewer resolutions would automatically free me up?!? Regardless...

I couldn't resist also sharing some fun digital resolutions which the fabulous Cavanaugh Lee, author of the forthcoming must-read Save as Draft, in turn shared with me. I think we can all appreciate-if not benefit ourselves-from the below.

Straight from CNN, I present...

7 digital mistakes to avoid in 2011
By Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich, Special to CNN
January 5, 2011 10:38 a.m. EST Filed under: Social Media

Say it with me, now. In 2011, I will not send an unspeakably rude e-mail to a co-worker.

Editor's note: Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz are the sarcastic brains behind humor blog and book Stuff Hipsters Hate. When they're not trolling Brooklyn for new material, Ehrlich works as news editor at Mashable.com, and Bartz holds the same position at Psychology Today.

(CNN) -- Ah, 2011. A new year and a prime time to make resolutions -- a word that stems from the Latin word resolutio, which roughly translates to "intense self-flagellation followed by structured reflection on the things you hate about yourself."

Allow us to aid you in this endeavor.

Now that you've finally finished reading dozens of surprisingly obnoxious top 10 lists, we're going to start the year off with a review of seven equally obnoxious netiquette faux pas to avoid in '11.
Think of it as a quick precis of all the dumb moves we tried to shake out of you in 2010 (research, after all, shows that refreshing your memory at spaced-out intervals is key to remembering stuff long-term).

No reverse-order countdown, though. After all, this isn't a moment of Joose-fueled chanting in Times Square.

Say it with me, now. In 2011, I will not ...

1. ... send an unspeakably rude e-mail to one of my employees or co-workers.
"?!" alone does not an e-mail make. Forgetting your "pleases" and "thank yous"? Just as bad. Carpal tunnel syndrome be damned, make this the year you actually tap out respectful missives to those in your midst.

2. ... chase a messy breakup with sad-clown Facebook statuses and hours of sob-wracked ex stalking.

Quit squeezing lemon juice on your wounds. Apps like Avoidr and the Ex Blocker (which, yes, we inspired by sighing loudly and whining, "Why can't someone make my loser exes disappear?") make moving on ... well, not as easy as it was in pre-digital times, but fairly comparable.

3. ... waste everyone's time with inane tweets.
Yes, Twitter can be a repository for banal thoughts and stomach-churning overshares. It can also be a useful tool for sharing links, connecting with online and real-life friends, and adding to the general conversation.

(Hey, don't laugh -- remember how the Library of Congress deemed this all archive-worthy? Five hundred years from now, they'll be like, "Whoa, those 2010-era plebeians were really into laser cats. That must mean something.")

Aim to give each tweet a bit of value: a tip, a crowdsource attempt, even a little zing to get your followers to :).

4. ... keep my wedding photo as my Facebook profile pic for five months or more.
That's really great that you got married. However, my congratulatory spirit wore out approximately 4.5 months ago. Time to go back to being a Person With a Personality instead of just a Bride, mmkay?

5. ... leave offensive, sexist, childish or straight-up stupid comments.
Actual responses and commentary are the lovely nerve network of Web 2.0. As for the trash: Yeah, instead of bothering with the noncontribution, we suggest you check out the billions of other things you could be browsing on the www this very minute. Problem: solved.

6. ... drunk-text.
Or drunk-tweet. Or drunk-e-mail. Or drunk-update-le-Facebook-status.
It's 2011, folks -- of course the coders who hand you such digital Tommy guns have figured out how to add safety latches. Apps like Mail Goggles and the social media sobriety test mitigate the damage.

If only you'd done some sober installing before your big NYE open bar, the decade might've begun on a much less sloppy, indelicate foot.

7. ... peck away at my smartphone during dinner.

Or brunch, or really any moment involving real-life interaction -- because it's incredibly impolite and likely detrimental to your ability to enjoy a tender interaction or a crisp walk through the park.

Look, if there's one addiction worth breaking this year, it's your clinically significant dependence on regular CrackBerry checks. Because let's face it, the whiskey binges and late-night Cheetos you swore off on 1/1/11 aren't going anywhere.

Love it, CNN. Couldn't have said it better myself. And thanks to Cavanaugh! Now must add installing apps to my "to do" list....

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!