I was once working on a relationship book at the same time I had just started seeing someone. As a result, my Facebook profile was often flooded with tips and how-to’s from the book which made for interesting conversation between the guy and me, especially when I posted that every lady should have a Must Have/Can’t Stand List for potential partners. I’ve always had a rough draft of this in my head, but I was surprised when the guy actually asked if I had such a list and if so, what was on it. Instead of being truthful and forward, I jokingly said it was my secret, only alluding that laughter was a priority so he could thankfully, mark off that item.
During a low point of loneliness and exhaustion last night, I thought of my list, or rather lack of one. Now keep in mind, the list isn't meant to find a perfect person, but rather, a guideline for what qualities in a partner are important to you. Since I don’t have my qualities on paper, it’s no surprise that my Must-Have’s/Can’t Stands tend to get fuzzy once chemistry enters the scene. So what better time than now to create one while I’m Off the Market and (somewhat) clear-headed?
· Family. I’m not saying now or five years from now, but kids and pets are part of my picture
· Commitment. I need someone who will both pursue me as well as fight for our relationship if/when times get rocky
· Laughter. Enough said!
· A sense of adventure, found in the simplest form of just trying new things or in the most amazing form, a love of travel
· Ambition, either in his career or another passion
· Good finances. I don’t expect anyone to be responsible for my cash flow so I expect to be with someone who can take care of his
· Brains and a lot of ‘em. I’m a bit of a nerd and need someone who can actively participate in good conversation and better yet, witty banter
· Spirituality. Couples are better with it than without it, in my opinion.
· Attraction. Yes, it fades with age, but who are we kidding? If we’re not feeling each others’ looks, the road is going to look really, really long.
· Having to do all the planning myself. Yes, I’m organized and enjoy planning exciting adventures, but 50 years of doing all of it is not going to fly
· Close-mindedness. If it’s your way or the highway, don’t bother knocking on my door. I need someone who knows how to “agree to disagree” and “compromise”
· Slobs. I have a pile of laundry just like everyone else, but I don’t want to be someone’s maid.
· Excessive drinking and smoking. There, I said it, and I’ve probably ostracized half of Manhattan now. While I love, love, love margarita and Blue Moon, late nights out, and partying (and I’ve definitely had my fair share of mornings spent with head over the toilet), I also want someone who knows the value in taking care of himself for both his sake and his family. While this isn’t a deal-breaker per se, being constantly hungover makes it difficult to go on must-have adventures.
Strangely, I feel a sense of progress having made this list. I guess it comes down to figuring out what I want, which is what this year is all about.
I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!