January 18, 2011

Day 164-Almost Halfway

We're nearing the halfway mark, and so I feel it's only appropriate to re-visit E's challenge when I started this whole OTMITM year:

"I dare you to go single for a year, and by the 6th month you'll be loving life and feel in control/more self confident... which is one thing that actually attracts the opposite sex. There are so many opportunities as younger girls in the city who aren't attached... not that you have to hookup with the person, butt having a bf would def hold you back from being offered the opportunity.

What's scary about being 26 and just starting to think about a serious bf?!!! I say you should just do it starting June 30th for our 1 year lease extension.... the scariest things in life are those that teach you the most about yourself ;)"

One more week, and I'll be at that halfway mark. I have to say that I was terrified at the beginning-what if I meet Mr. Right or Prince Charming? Will I miss out if I make myself unavailable to relationships?

I have to say that E was onto something. Yes, it was scary, but this experience has been invaluably rewarding if for no other reason than it gave me the time to think about what I want out of life and in a potential partner. Remember that must-have/can't stand list? I feel more self-confident and am loving life not only because I'm prioritizing myself, but because I'm standing on my own two feet. Sure there are rough days where I miss having a steady companion, but I've had a blast opening myself up to all the men out there without analyzing them as marriage material. And frankly, that has left me a lot more free time to focus on my goals.

But what about the other half of the equation-in the momentness? Well, that has been my real trial. I'm a planner, an analyzer, and I've discovered that not only is this hard to combat in love but it's just as difficult in every day life. I have succeeded in being more flexible, but I still have days where I beat myself up for what I can't control or even worst, what's in the past. And going with the flow? Well, I'm working on it...

Yet, what I've really learned through this whole process is that life IS a process. We have no idea what or who will come our way and change our path so it's important to just GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. Let things unfold and have faith. Again, easier said than done, but for the past two weeks, this message has been told to me dozens of time by multiple people so it's finally ringing true. And I need to reitorate it again after bombing my cold reading the other day and not getting a callback from an earlier audition. PROCESS.

So that's where I am at the moment. Re-examining, re-prioritizing and re-focusing for the second half of my year. I hope for many more posts with OTMITM adventures to share. And-I forgot to mention. I'm casually seeing someone. And I mean, casually. As in, no expectations, in the moment, enjoying each other's company, fun. With kissing :-) I think I'll balance it with a little Match.com action to keep things light but it's interesting being on the "whatever happens, happens" track for a change....it's certainly in the moment and six months into my mission, I'm finding I'm good with that.

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!

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