January 13, 2011

Day 169-From Singles Salon-What's Your Vision?

I subscribe to this site and loved yeseterday's post. Just the kick in the butt I needed! Hopefully, it will be what some of you are looking for as well:

What's YOUR Vision?
Posted by I'm a Singlelista! at 5:59 PM
Singlelistas, I have to ask! Are you following your resolutions?

Are you going to the gym everyday?Have you scheduled your trip to the Mediterranean?Have you paid off that credit card debt that you’ve had since college? I don’t know about you but I’m still paying on acrylic nails that I bought way back in 2001…Oh, the shame!I digress. The reason that I’m checking on YOUR resolutions is because I really want this year to be all about YOU!

We declared that 2011 would be the Year of the Single Woman, but we never really talked about what that meant. You’ve been heavy on my heart lately because I’ve been thinking about all of the phenomenal things that we, as single women, could be doing with this time of freedom and independence in our lives, yet I wonder how many of us actually use this time to really fulfill that. I thought about this because not too long ago I had a Vision Party with a gaggle of my girlfriends, which if you haven’t been to or hosted one this year, I highly recommend that you do! Anyway, as we were sipping sangrias, eating Asian-inspired tapas, and creating 2011 vision boards, complete with enough glitter to prompt the sequel to Mariah Carey’s cinematic catastrophe, I was really taken aback by the number of women who kept putting wedding-themed icons on their boards.

There were wedding rings, wedding dresses, wedding venues (castles of course!), and wedding favors literally spilling off of their pages, yet not a single one of them had a boyfriend, a strong suitor, or even a blind date on the horizon.

Now, I didn’t say anything then (and I imagine my phone will begin rigorously ringing as soon as this posts!) but I really thought for a moment that I had entered the bridal twilight zone.Like, maybe it’s just me but how do you plan to be married this year, and you haven’t yet found a suitable mate?*blank stare*Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m as much of a hopeless romantic as the next chick. I carry my glass slippers around in my purse and I allot extra vacay time in my Blackberry just in case Prince Charming comes riding along unannounced and whisks me away to his paradise in the sky.

But in looking at the boards as they were being designed and blinged, I couldn’t help but think what a waste of space it was to plan for something over which you have such very little control. Call me old school, but I honestly believe that men decide when they are going to propose, and we decide whether we are going to accept. Now I know there are some lovely ladies out there who proposed to their husbands and rode off happily into the sunset, but for the most part, that’s not really how it works- and it's certainly not the way most of us envisioned it as young girls- because yes, we’ve all been planning these weddings since we were four! I may have actually began planning immediately after my birth, but that’s a totally different story!My point is, that fairly or not, for most women it’s pretty much a waiting game. We have to wait for a man who doesn’t repulse us to come along. We have to wait until he decides that he can’t live without us another day (even though we’ve known that all along!)We have to wait until he’s ready to purchase our 10-karat ring (yes, I said 10!).We wait until he's willing to withstand the ridicule of “the fellas,” and we wait until he buys the proper knee guard equipment that will enable him to comfortably drop down in front of all of humanity, and whimsically declare his undying love.Whew!And as most of us have noticed, ummm…we just might be waiting a while, especially for those of us who are waiting on the right guy to come along.

Which brings me back to my vision boards. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and I’ve decided that the difference between being a "single woman" and a "singlelista" is all in how you wait. Instead of filling our resolutions with goals that we may or may not be able to achieve, based on factors…ahem, men…beyond our control, what if we filled our visions with the other things in life that make us happy?As modern women, we want it ALL-- The man, yes. But also the houses, the cars, the clothes, the careers, the vacations in Venice, the summers on the Vineyard, the pup, the nonprofit, the Grammy, the Tony, the Oscar, the Golden Globe-it ALL!
Recognizing that, we should resolve to fill up our vision boards with things that remind us to be our best selves- to be stunning, kind, fashionable, charitable, brilliant, healthy, whole, spiritual, and happy!I believe that if we redirect the energy we spend wallowing in love unfound, and invest it in ourselves, on an uncompromising journey to become better everyday, we can truly find the happiness which we all seek.Singlelistas, I want 2011 to be all about YOU. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do.

Redesign your wardrobe. Buy your house. Charter a plane. Travel the world. Parachute out of the sky. Open your business. Start a nonprofit. Run for political office. Buy yourself a diamond (OK, maybe not a 10-karat one, but you see where I'm going with this)! LIVE FOR YOU!And by the time you finish loving and investing in your phenomenal self, as luck would have it, I’d venture to bet that the love you’ve been searching for will be much closer than you imagined.Stars attract stars. So go ahead singlelistas, SHINE!
This year is all about YOU! Write YOUR vision. And make it plain.
Love life…every SINGLE moment of it! -xoxo

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