October 5, 2010

Day 270-STOOD UP

September is usually a crazy time at work-but wait, it's now October and equally as frantic. I'm barely getting by and hardly keeping up with everything that has to be done. And blogging? I’ve been told by E that my inner flame is dimming (aka posts haven’t been as spicy or enlightening lately).

Yes, I’m aware! No excuse other than my brain cells and budget are stretched a little thin right now. But nothing will bring back a little spice better than being angry at someone. After rushing from work uptown to a downtown cd launch party at Le Poisson Rouge tonight, I cabbed it back uptown to meet my acting partner for a quick and dirty late night rehearsal. Told ya acting was like dating…
And I got stood up!

We were supposed to meet at 8:30pm and I waited for 30 minutes for a no-show. Also, I haven’t received a followup call or text to explain his absence though I called and texted to make sure he was ok.

My gut reaction was to feel like crap (not to mention feeling uber-frustrated that I spent $10 to make it uptown in time and missed the rest of my party). Why is this happening to me and why am I reacting as if this was personal?

Getting over that, I wondered if something bad happened to him which brought on guilt for feeling earlier frustrations. On the hopeful end of the spectrum, he had a late night screening for his movie so maybe he was called in early. Or maybe his new director called him away for a separate rehearsal. Or maybe I just got our days and times mixed up even though we texted about this at 6pm this evening?

THEN, I got mad at myself that I was immediately letting him off the hook-why do I always explain away guys’ inconsiderate behavior? And why am I getting angry at myself instead of the source? The excuses go on and on, but there is no excuse. I’m running around town like a madwoman trying to make appointments left and right, and he can’t so much as send a TEXT?

I’ve never been stood up before, which is more a symptom of my serial monogamist nature than being lucky, but this feeling is close enough to home for me, even if we’re not dating. I depend on this guy and that’s enough to count.

What's really funny is that only hours before at Le Poisson Rouge, I had been talking about missing my dating life. But after tonight, I’m now looking forward to nine more months of not having to deal with crap like this.

I’m Off the Market & In the Moment!

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