October 24, 2010

Day 251-AND....I'm Back

I'm officially no longer hibernating. Last night marked the first time in awhile where I have rallied on a Saturday to go out. Now, I've certainly been social in the form of happy hours and dinners with friends this past month, but I've been crashing on the weekends being productive yet, socially lame. It was how I was feeling in the moment so I went with it and could have again this weekend except for I was starting to lurk dangerously near the boring category. So I ventured out to meet friends at the West Village spot Village Tavern, which come Saturday, is filled with tons of goodlooking males reveling in college football.

With pizza from lunch making me strong, I had no problem keeping up with the beer drinkers last night, and the fact, that my old crush was across the room didn't help to alleviate my thirst either. We'd had a little bit of interest in each other the first year moving to NYC, but the timing was never right. I was unavailable in a new relationship when he was interested. He was busy playing the field by the time I was able to act on my interest. We'd see each other every few months or so with radio silence in between. I get that this is not the stuff of great romances, but it was always a crush I went back to, and as his interest lessened, mine heightened and got quite a bit desperate since I hadn't met anyone new. Last time I saw him, I pretty much made a fool of myself with a late night text, which was fortunately, ignored by him. Also, fortunately, he doesn't hold it against me, as far as I know. But, embarrased by my behavior, I dwelled on that rejection for TOO long and the experience with him naturally, was one of the of the catalysts for OTMITM.

I was prepared to see him and was ready to prove that I wasn't that girl who had a momentary lapse in reason last time we were together, but was instead, fun and lowkey like I really can be with my judgment isn't clouded by alcohol and desperation. Yet, I wasn't prepared to see the girlfriend who was perfectly lovely. We left soon after, but the little encounter got me thinking and six beers in I found myself surrounded by all of these happy couples, who I very much love, at a midnight crossroad: Do I want to continue to be happy drunk or will I be the depressed "woe is me-he didn't choose me" drunk?

Thank goodness, I was able to pull myself up from my bootstraps this time and rally. No need to embarass myself a SECOND time. A teacher of mine once said that at an end of a relationship (or a potential one), an intelligent person 1-recognizes that the bad feelings mainly come from a hurt ego and 2-knows when to move on. So onward and forward I go!

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!

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