It's official. I am off the market for a year. Flipped the "switch" to the off position. This cab is not picking up passengers. For those of you still not understanding, this means no trying to find or getting into a relationship for the next 365 days.
Yes, you read correctly! 365 DAYS. If you know me, you’re probably asking WHY? since you know me as a serendipity-loving, white knight-wanting, hopeless romantic. And if you don’t know me, you’re probably asking WHY? because why would someone embark on what could become a suicide mission for future happiness? Because…
Yet again, I’ve found myself stuck on the other side of the pasture, thinking of how green the grass must be with a great guy by my side (or at the least, just a date for the Labor Day wedding I’m in). And in that picture of tranquility, the guy I see happens to be one I’ve already dated. AND been dumped by already. And CONTINUE to wonder about….
Now some of you may say it’s just the “what if’s” that accompany every failed attempt at love. I’ll have you know, I’m really good at relationships. Too good. As in (deep breath): get too excited, become too close too soon, proceed to lose perspective, promptly put too much pressure on both myself and the guy without trying type of good, and while freaking out myself (or more often than not, causing the poor guy to do so), I manage to miss the best part-truly enjoying another person in that moment.
Before I get too sappy (and yes, this blog will be honest and as a result, honestly sappy from time to time), the moral of this year-long mission is two-fold: 1-to break the detrimental relationship habit of trying too hard and subsequently losing myself, and 2-to take a step back so as to keep from looking back. Because when I started thinking about how much time I invest while dating someone, and then analyzing and re-analyzing (and re-analyzing) after the door to our future shuts, and THEN wondering when Cupid would look kindly on me again, I finally realized that I was missing my own moment. So here I am virtually shouting from the no-access rooftop of my walk-up building in the East Village (which is, of course, located next to a porn store): I am a 25-year-old single living in one of the greatest cities in the world!
It’s time to act like it.
I’m breaking free (cold turkey, I might add) from my relationship past and relationship future so I can find out how fabulous it is being single in the present. And yes, it's going to be hard and frankly, a little scary. Relationships are off-limits, but casual dating is allowed and encouraged (I’ve only been on ONE casual date in my life which hasn’t resulted in some sort of relationship-ONE!). But more importantly, the focus of the year is to get out of my head and away from my heart long enough to secure the foundation for that fun-loving, confident, doesn’t have a care in the world girl that I lose every time I get what I think I’m looking for.
I’m off the market & in the moment!
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