Day 331- Tough Stuff

While it may have worked for some of literature's greatest, a margarita and a glass(es) of wine definitely does not help my writing. Most likely because I just don't get around to writing at all after imbibing, especially coupled with Mexican food from Santi's, a great hole in the wall spot which barely peeks out from under the Arthur Ravenel bridge. Lowcountry folks, you must try it. Muy bueno.

Before lights out at 10pm, however, I did manage to read a few chapters Eat, Pray, Love for a little inspiration. I first read Elizabeth Gilbert's book a few years ago and was immediately captured. I didn't expect as much the second time around but was soon drawn in yet again to Gilbert's year of self-discovery which I at once compared to my own little blog. It was a little difficult to dial down on the self-critique and just enjoy the book. I was amazed by her word choice, the way her imagery set the scene so adeptly, not to mention the creative structure of her work. Thankfully, I woke up this morning with the realization of the following: 1-she has an editor. 2-she has 15 years of experience on me. 3-she has Italy, India, and Indonesia for inspiration. Who wouldn't be able to pull together captivating metaphors in those settings? Perhaps I should give myself a little more credit since I have to tap my creative juices from the confines of my living room or office.

The second thing I noticed about Gilbert's book is the way she wonderfully captures her newfound spirituality, her experiences eerily similar to my own. She explains her first conversation with God: repeated cries of "Please tell me what to do," followed by an abrupt need to stop crying when a comforting silence took over.

I've felt the same during my own desperate prayers. The pain doesn't ever disappear but becomes bearable in a quiet numbness that takes over like a blanket is being wrapped around aches and fears. It's an awe-inspiring reminder that there's a bigger force at play that perhaps I should trust in.

But I'm very bad at trusting. Well, ironically I'm quick to trust other people I meet, to a fault sometimes, but when it comes to trusting in the universe, I'd rather just call in for assistance when I need it rather than let go of what I want and think I need. Having faith is hard work, and I'd more of the school of thought that "work hard and good things will come your way." This is a faulted system as hard work, though it does help you, certainly doesn't protect you. Just listen to the local news for proof. It's a difficult lesson which thankfully, I've already learned.

But again, I'm rambling. The pray section just can't be contained in a day. This is tough stuff, and apart from plagiarizing Gilbert or just giving you summaries of what I read that struck me, I'm out of my own ideas.

So yes, here's another pitiful post, and the old me would be typing apologies. I'm fighting insticts here and instead will say that I'm not sorry. I don't claim to know it all or be enlightened. If I had all the answers, I wouldn't need this year in the first place.

I'm off the market & in the moment.